Sometimes I look at life like it is a big Sim game, and I wonder how people are able to live in their houses without setting them on fire.
I force myself to remember that some people in my life who may not have their shit together right now will eventually get it together. And then they will be so amazing and self-assured. Right now, I have to see them as they are.
A supervisor told me once, for some reason, that people cannot always be their best selves. I get worried though when I tend to see the people around at their worst, and their best isn’t even that great. But maybe it’s an issue of perspective. To some people, some of the Obies I’ve met or members of my family are the greatest people in their lives. What can I do about that?
When I’m with wealthier friends, I tend to feel a tension about cleaning, because on the one hand, I love to clean, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel like I’m acting like a servant. It’s pretty silly, but it crosses my mind.
With less wealthy friends, I tend to be expected to do something in terms of cleaning. I don’t usually imagine waiting for someone else to do it. Class issues, I guess.
I’m afraid of not being poor. I want to be financially stable, maybe that means that I’ll end up rich. Maybe not. I shouldn’t be too concerned about it. Sometimes my family asks me for money, and I can’t do anything about it. I always wondered what I would do if I won the lottery. Would I still go to school? Would I give all my money to my family? Would I run away?
I had a conversation with a guy I didn’t like who was talking about how girls with art history majors only have that major in order to marry a rich guy and choose the paintings for the house. I thought that was so stupid. In the movie Blue Jasmine, Cate Blanchett’s character dropped out of college when she was close to finishing her anthropology degree because her rich husband decided to marry her and take her away. If I could do that, I wonder if I would.