“You know Nick is here, right?”
I drop the dish I was washing.
“Touched a nerve, I guess? I thought you were over him?” Andrea is drying.
“I mean, with all of the dudes you’ve been with and everything…”
“In and out they go.”
“Right.” Andrea puts down the towel. “He’s going to Myia’s party. You going?”
“It’s gonna be big. Everybody’s gonna be there.”
“You said you didn’t care.” She starts drying again.
“And I don’t. But I don’t want to be there.”
“Hey, I’m not gonna force you. But I’m going. Come on, we don’t have much longer til we graduate, let’s have some fun.”
I sigh and say “I’ll think about it, OK?”
“Cute!” She slaps my butt with the towel. “There are gonna be some hot guys, go for it! Unless I want him, of course…”
“I think we’d know who he’d choose if it’s between me or you.”
“Yes. Someone less crazy.”
I’m looking myself over in the mirror. I do look good. I’m pretty sure I do. It should matter that I look good to myself, right? Not for anyone else. Certainly not for Nick.
Andrea jumps at me and grabs my back.
“I have news,” she whispers.
“Nick is single.”
“Good for him.” I try not to look at her, knowing my eyes would betray me.
Andrea looks at me. Silently. “OK,” she finally says, “you ready?”
This house is not a home. No one truly lives here, people reside here. It feels like the same people go here to these parties again and again, so it all feels fixed to me. Like we’re all stuck. The faces may be different, but nothing actually changes, not truly. It’s suffocating, I just wish that something big would happen, something actually different. A fight, an orgy, an apocalypse. I don’t care.
I leave the house to get air.
I already know that it’s Nick.