Baby (Ph)at

No one around my age remembers this, but apparently I was overweight as a kid. I think I remember the doctor talking about it when I had a check-up, maybe I made up that memory. I had bad eating experiences. I grew up poor and assigned male at birth. That meant that there was not a […]

Guilty Pleasure

I’m reading Freud, and he’s telling me that guilt is essentially the bane of civilization. People hate Freud, he says all that stuff about boys wanting to sleep with their mothers and all that stuff about ego, but I’m reading this shit about guilt, and he’s got me hooked, I have to keep going. He […]

Bougie

I had to read Animal Farm by George Orwell in middle school. I was taught that it was an allegory for the Russian Revolution, when the last Czar was overthrown and the Soviet Union was established. My two favorite characters in the book were Benjamin the donkey and Mollie the horse. Benjamin was supposed to represent the […]

Cruisin

It’s a Friday night. I did my work, I’m in Chicago, it’s Pride Weekend. What am I going to do? Go fool around, of course! Of course, I’m just gonna go all over Chicago to try to hook up, even though I barely have enough money to use a Ventra card to use public transit. […]

Unstoppable/Immovable

Written in Winter of 2015 He is a monolith Irreplaceable Conspicuously immovable Every position he takes predictable He is only what he wants to be   I crash headfirst Dazed and confused Delirium overrides sense Passion overtakes sanity I confuse fixations for admiration   Middling self-righteousness And crippling self-doubt Collude to form Our unholy patrimony […]

Safe(r) Space(r)

CW: depression, mentions of suicidal thoughts I wake up with my head submerged in the pillow. I open my left eye and everything looks like something from a 50’s TV show: grey, stoic, silent. “What time is it?” I think to myself. I remember falling asleep at 5pm, planning on waking up later to go […]

Wannabe

When I was 4, I wanted to be a garbage man. At least, that’s what my parents told me. I don’t remember that. When I was 5, I wanted to be a baker. My grandfather was a baker. I was scared of my grandfather because of his speech impediment, so I didn’t want to be […]